THE WARS IN TLELAN
As it would turn out, the motherland of Tlelan is still in the midst of endless fighting and brutality with the lands of Ilderness and their still mechanical wizards. SAVAGES. THE LOT OF THEM. Here in the beautiful colonies HOWEVER, it is peace and majesty over sunny skies. PEACE AND PROSPERITY. There is no darkness save for a few glimmers of depravity from the elven nest of Habber’s Hallow. HERETICS. Let us hope those people don’t learn how to read or organize in groups. LOWLIVES.
Our great warchief Zulmartho, GREAT AND POWERFUL CRACKPOT, has not mentioned anything regarding conscription. CAN YOU IMAGINE? TLELAN’S SMARTEST AND MOST ELITE IN THE TRENCHES WITH THE OTHER GRUNTS? So for now you can rest easy without thinking of axes or warhammers rather books and poetry. Rest assured that our six founders have our best interests at heart. SAVIORS
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Rhubarb, HARMLESS OR HARMFUL?
You all have seen him, that wild eyed hermit that lives on the outside of town. WHO DOES THAT? I know what you all say. LEAVE HIM ALONE, HE IS JUST A CRAZY OL’ HERMIT. I say NO Aside from him keeping all those confounded pets, he is up to some heathen witchcraft. SORCERY. I saw him not to long ago carrying animal entrails. WHAT CITIZEN DOES THAT? Citizens of Basille…are you going to let a crazy madmen snatch you children and sacrifice them to the GREAT DEVIL ELF THAT dances naked in the woods at night?
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GIBBLER INJURED IN UNAUTHORIZED MAGIC USE
Citizens, we know our found fathers RIGHTEOUS THINKERS made great strides in RESTRICTING arcane magic use and reeling back the practice among the clergy BUT THE SPREAD OF MAGIC still continues. Just this week, Francis Gibbler, the grey haired fisherman fox who lives down by Willow Creek almost BLEW HIMSELF TO HELL following a spell conjuration. We all know Francis. Some may Even like him BUT THIS SORT OF DISREGARD FOR THE LAW SHOULD COME WITH SWIFT ACTION. My Father didn’t fight for our right to live in a blood free world to see fellow citizens BURNED AND MAIMED by ignorance to the law. Who is next? IS IT YOU? Is it someone you LOVE?
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Pius B. Martyr Fund
Concerned Citizens many of you ask. HOW CAN I HELP MAKE THIS COLONY THE BEST AND NOT LIKE TLELAN. FIRE AND BLOOD. DEATH TO ALL THINKERS. You can contribute to the PBM Fund which will ensure the hiring of more guards like that funny little fellow that stands outside Judge Calloway’s House. WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR OWN GUARDING GNOME? I heard Sorin is full of those little rascals just right for the taking. THEY LOOK ADORABLE IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE. FIRST ORDER OF BUISNESS WILL BE RUNNING OUT THAT HARPY THAT RUNS THE SHRIEKING HARPY MADAM LEGUIN.
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The Basille Gazette would like to make an official apology to Ethel Grapple for last week’s article “ETHEL GRAPPLE IS A WITCH.” Our sources were wrong regarding Ethel and she was not the lady dancing nude with the GREAT ELF DEVIL last full moon. We regret to inform our readers that this information did not come sooner before her exile from this town.
Tips & Tricks
Do not find yourself outside after dark. BEWARE THE GREAT DEVIL ELF. Steer Clear of Habber’s Hallow. DEN OF THIEVES. If you see an elf outside of its workspace report any activity, suspicious or not, to Judge Calloway or the little fellow that guards the bank and the jail. DO NOT SPEAK TO LITTLE PEOPLE LIKE THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS. Use them as tools but never turn your back on a rake. ANYONE COULD BE CHERMAK THE DECEIVER..